I would really like to think that at 46 I’d have the answers to some challenges life throws your way. But the truth is, there are still many, many things that I’m still in the process of learning and figuring out.
How to get over my own excuses
Have you ever had someone cut you off in traffic and you think, “god what an idiot driver,” only to accidentally cut someone off yourself and the person flips you off and you think, “geez I’m sorry, chill out dude!”
I was recently hanging out with someone I’ve known for years who is all talk and no action. He went on about the things he said he wanted to do, but it’s been the same story for years and years, and I’ve yet to see him follow through on the things that he wanted out of life.
For instance, he has been saying for years how he wants to buy a home. Yet at the same time he blows every ounce of his paycheck, and is planning yet another exotic and expensive vacation.
The excuse is, “with the exception of this one time, I’m totally saving for a house.”
I could of course see the contradictory nature of this, and maybe deep down he could to, but as much as I scoffed at it, I have done the exact same thing.
I really want to save for FIRE, but there have been many occasions where my actions did not show how bad I really want it. I could say to myself, “well after this vacation I’ll get serious, or after my next birthday/Christmas/New Year’s Day, THEN I’ll start to get serious.
The reality is I need to get serious now…today…if it really matters that much to me.
But if FIRE (or anything else) is NOT something I really want, then I gotta be honest and recheck my goals and priorities.
I hate a lot of bullshit talk, so I need to raise my own standards as well.
Not caring what people think
Even though I’ve read tons of books and listened to lots of podcasts and TED talks about not caring what someone thinks of me (as long as I haven’t done anything to harm anyone physically or mentally), I still do.
Just because I know on a super conscious level that it does no good, and that someone will form an opinion of you no matter what, my subconscious still grapples with this, and gives me occasional to frequent bad dreams.
The good news is I’m actually going to a therapist about this (and a couple other things), so at least I’m taking proactive steps in the right direction.
Vulnerability is scary & sometimes makes me want to quit
In the last couple of months I’ve had some wind taken out of my sail. It left me open and exposed (and hurt), and feeling like I’m under a microscope.
It has left me not wanting to blog or tweet, and I’ve been extremely careful who I have conversations with and what I talk to them about.
I think that’s OK for awhile, but as I told my therapist, writing, connecting with others, creating…those are things that get me out of bed in the morning.
There is no way that I’m going to take down those sails completely and head back to a safe harbor where nothing can harm me, but it does occasionally make me retreat.
Real results or change take hard work, focus, and discipline
For some things in my life, moderation is fine. For instance, alcohol. I’ve never had a problem with it. I can stop at one, no problem. I just don’t like drinking that much.
But other things like not overspending, require absolute discipline with using my budget spreadsheet.
Donuts? Gummy bears? I can walk away from those no problem. But snacky things like pretzels, chips, chocolate, or homemade cookies? Nope. I can’t touch it without going down the carb and sugar rabbit hole.
There are some things in life that just require more discipline if I want to make real changes in my life.
Life is about trying, failing, getting up, trying again, succeeding, learning, making mistakes, laughing at yourself, and experimenting.
If I ever figure out the winning combination of these above mentioned current life challenges, there may be something else to tackle. Who knows!
For now, it’s good to be back, and talking to you peeps again.
What life lessons are you having a hard time learning?